Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
