Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
