You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
