I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We talked him into tasing himself.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize