just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
