Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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