I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
