he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
sex in a hospital.. check
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
