Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize