Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
