your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
