There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
