so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
