A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
