wakey wakey hands off snakey
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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