She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
