There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
