you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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