It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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