i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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