the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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