You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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