I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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