butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize