You made me cry and you don't even care
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
