alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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