Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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