mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
