Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize