he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
