We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
