I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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