I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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