Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
