Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
