Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.

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(619): View more from California

Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night

(323): View more from California

How mad was your dog?

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now

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(914): View more from New York

Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?

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(503): View more from Oregon

Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine

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(248): View more from Michigan

How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?

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(201): View more from New Jersey

And here I thought that was one nut sack too many

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(419): View more from Ohio

Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.

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