He disabled his match.com account in front of me
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
