I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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