lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
