im drinking this country out of the recession.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You can't motorboat a personality
someone owes me an orgasm
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
