We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
im holly from the hills drunk
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
