He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
