the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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