also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
