I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
