trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
