i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
thus making me awesome and them whores
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
