Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Shame - the story of my life.
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