I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
