So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
