My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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