I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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