Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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