Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
