"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
