I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
