i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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