Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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