I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
what day is it and did you see me today?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
