i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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