The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
