Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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