I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
