the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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