My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
