I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
