She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize