You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
