i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
why didn't you poke me back
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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