You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
