Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Randomize
