I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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