Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
