now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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