More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
