i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
