ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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