Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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