My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize